The Final Countdown

It's the final countdown

The final countdown - Europe

I am currently sitting in my hospital bed, counting down the time until I am wheeled into the operating room to have a surgery that will leave me looking like Frankenstein's monster. Well I wont actually look like a monster, but the scar is going to be pretty impressive. Although i'm scared and nervous for this surgery, I'm still amazed that it is happening and I know that I need to have it. Without this surgery, the cancer is highly likely to come back, so I just have to suck it up and pretend to be superwoman.

"The surgery is necessary to prolong your life" 

When i was first diagnosed, I was told that the cancer had spread to my liver and that there were multiple tumours in my liver. What I didn't know or didn't want to know, was how much of my liver was over taken with cancer. Later on, I found out that one of the tumours was 10cm and pretty much took up the entire right lobe of my liver, and there were smaller tumours in the left lobe. I guess this is why they told me that surgery was not an option to begin with. Many people have asked why they can't just give me a new liver, and the reason is because it can spread to the new liver which would be a waste of a perfectly healthy liver. Besides, I wouldn't want to take a healthy liver away from someone else who may need it more. So, the only option is a liver resection, which is where they remove a portion or portions of the liver that is diseased with the ideal outcome of all the cancer being removed. The awesome thing about the liver is that it can regenerate to its original size within a few weeks to months. So although they may need to take quite a large amount of the liver out, within a short amount of time, my liver will grow back to its normal size. It will also be able to function the same way a full normal sized liver does. It just wont look like a normal liver.

"I'm a pretty conservative surgeon"

I met with the surgeon, Dr Adam Bartlett, last week and I can honestly say that he is one of the best surgeons that I have ever had to deal with. Of course, he just had to mentioned his success rate - out of 800 patients, he has only had one die. That's pretty reassuring in my humble opinion. He was also pretty honest about the situation, and admitted that he doesn't know what he will actually do until he slices me open. Although I have had multiple scans leading up to surgery, the scans can only tell him so much. So, we discussed the two procedures he may use, depending on what my liver looks like when he opens me up.

The first procedure is just a normal liver resection where he will go in, remove the entire right love of the liver and remove the parts of the left lobe that contain the tumours and then sew or staple me back together. His problem with this procedure is that I could go into liver failure due to removing such a large amount of liver. So while, he would love to just do everything in one surgery, he also knows that this is probably not the best option. The other procedure is called the ALPPS procedure. This is a relatively new technique that involves resecting the liver in two steps and makes use of the regenerative capacity of the liver. The first surgery will involve Dr Bartlett cutting off the blood supply to the right lobe so it only functions at 40%. He will then remove the parts of the left lobe and tag the remaining arteries and veins that will either stay or go during surgery two. He will also wrap the right lobe in a plastic bag to stop it from sticking to other organs. After a week, he will go back in and completely remove the right lobe. By completing the surgery in two steps, it reduces the risk of liver failure, and allows the liver to grow significantly within a short timeframe. Dr Bartlett prefers this option as it has a higher success rate and allows the liver to grow quickly. So, hopefully I'll only spend about six hours in the operating room and hopefully only two weeks in hospital. This is the more conservative approach and Dr Bartlett has refined it from being a 12 hour surgery to only four or five hours, and the second surgery is barely even a surgery as it only takes about 45 minutes.

Obviously, I'm not a surgeon, so I don't know all the ins and outs of what will be happening. But this is my basic understanding of the surgery, As much as I would prefer to only have one surgery, I would prefer to have Dr Bartlett take a more conservative approach rather than trying to be a total rockstar and have something go wrong. He is a rockstar anyway, but let's be honest, we don't want him to be too risky.

I'm looking pretty good in my hospital gown and socks and I'm first on the list for surgery this morning. Haven't slept too much but at least I'll have a nice long nap today. Got my mumma sitting with me waiting to be wheeled up to the operating room. Wish me luck!

It's the Final Countdown!!

Good Life

Oh, this has gotta be the good life
This has gotta be the good life
This could really be a good life, good life
Say oh, got this feeling that you can't fight
Like this city is on fire tonight
This could really be a good life
A good, good life - One Republic

Learning you have cancer can really change your outlook on life. You begin to appreciate and find joy in the small things in life and that you can live your best life. You also learn to take advantage of any break in treatment to do something for yourself.

"Round One done and dusted"

I have finally finished Round One of chemo!!!! The fifth cycle was a little problematic as my platelet count was too low and chemo had to be pushed back a week. But the extra week break was exactly what I needed and my platelet count was back to normal and cycle five went ahead as normal. Cycle six went off without a hitch however, the side effects really kicked my ass for the last two cycles. Alongside chemo, I have had to give myself an injection called Pegfilgratism which is used to stimulate the growth of healthy white blood cells. Its not fun having to jab yourself in the stomach but I suppose I should be used to needles by now! So now that Round one is over, I am having a much needed break from chemo while I have and recover from my liver surgery. Once I have recovered enough, Round Two will begin. But for now, I can start eating ice cream again. Let's be honest, I never really stopped but at least now I can have it without being in pain!! It really is a good life when you can eat ice cream!!

The end of Round One also saw the removal of the dreaded PICC line. I can't even explain how excited and relieved I was when it came out. No more plastic sleeves to cover the line, no more skin reactions to dressing, not as many visits to the District Health Nurses, no more catching the line on door handles, or worrying about one of the dogs accidentally ripping the line out. And finally, no more people staring at me and wondering what is wrong with me when I wear short sleeved shirts. So the plan is to insert a Portacath during liver surgery which is going to make life so much easier. It's amazing how something as mundane as removing a PICC line can make you feel so much better about yourself. 

"Home is where the Heart is"

I've been floating on cloud nine since finding out that chemo is working. It's still hard to believe that everything is working and I feel like I'm finally getting control of my life back. A cancer diagnosis can really mess with your sense of control so while I am on a break from treatment, I decided to take that control back and booked a flight back home to Wellington. I spent the weekend just gone in Wellington and it was the best thing I have done for myself since being diagnosed. Since being diagnosed I have not been alone. You can guarantee that almost every hour of every day since d-day, I have always had someone with me. I guess I was scared to be alone in case something happened. But it also meant that I lost my independence. So being back home in Wellington meant relying on myself, being independent again and finally being in control of my life. Lunches with friends, dinners with friends, drinks to celebrate an engagement, a wedding dress fitting, shopping and karaoke kept me busy the entire weekend. But it felt like a normal weekend for me. I also popped into work and spent a few hours immersed in work and work dramas which made me feel like I was still apart of that work environment. Plus, I got to spend time with some of my amazing work family.

It was good to have some time to myself, to do things for myself and to just be myself again. I didn't have to worry about cancer, or chemo, or surgery, or what appointments I have coming up. It was almost as if my life had returned to the way it was before cancer. I was reminded about the good life I had before cancer but it also made me realise how good life is even with cancer. I have amazing friends and family and things I still want to do and accomplish and I can still enjoy a good life even with a cancer diagnosis.

This could really be a good life, a good, good life!!!