This Is the New Year

This is the new year
A new beginning
You made a promise
You are the brightest
We are the voices
This is the new year
We are the voices
This is the new year - A Great Big World

I'm a bit late on the Happy New Year bandwagon but it has given me time to reflect on what a year 2018 was. If I'm being completely honest, 2018 was a pretty crappy year for me. 2018 started off as a really good year. I was still enjoying my new job (probably because I had barely any work to do), I celebrated turning 25 with amazing friends, I went to the Wellington Cup day races and won a decent amount of money and I was finally moving out of my crappy flat and into a house with some awesome flatmates. Then 2018 decided things were going too well and turned my life upside down within the blink of an eye.

A Review of 2018

I guess I was lucky enough to get almost 4 months of life going well. But then I was hit with the Big C and everything changed. In 2018, I received cancer treatment from three different hospitals, I've had five CT Scans and one MRI scan, I endured three high risk surgeries, three surgical procedures, 14 cycles of chemo, one surgical wound infection and countless hospital appointments. The last 8 months of 2018 revolved completely around treatment and getting rid of the Big C. But 2018 didn't just teach me that things can change in the blink of an eye. It taught me how to be strong, how to look for the positive in all of the negatives, it showed me how a family can come back together after a long time of being apart, it showed me the friends that are in it for the long haul and it helped me find myself again. I spent the first few months of 2018 as a hot mess. My job was stressing me out, my home life was stressing me out, family was stressing me out. I was just generally a big ball of stress. Life was tough, but things were about to get worse and I didn't know just how bad things were going to get. You always think "it'll never happen to me". But then it does happen to you and you don't know what to do. You don't realise how badly you want to live until your life is close to being taken away. Its funny how it takes a life threatening situation for you to pull up your big girl pants and get on with it. But I suppose the saying is true, you don't know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.


2018 brought Dr Kennedy into my life, without him, I don't know where I would be or if I would be here. He doesn't take any crap, he doesn't fall for my excuses, he makes sure I understand everything that is going on and doesn't make me feel stupid and he pushes me to keep going with treatment. It also brought me all my amazing nurses, without these nurses I would be an absolute mess. Your nurses become your extended family. They know when your having a good day or a bad day/week, they know when a kick up the ass is needed, and they know when to just be there when no-one else is. Nurses are the most amazing people and they make going through cancer treatment that much easier. 2018 also brought Dr Bartlett into my life. He may of taken 70% of my liver away but without him, I wouldn't have a fighting chance. These are the people, alongside my family and friends of course, who have kept me going for the last 9 months.

Onto 2019

There was no easing into 2019. Life definitely started off with a bang or a zap if you like. Only 2 weeks into 2019 and treatment was full on. I underwent a week of high intensity radiation. Although it was only a week and 20 minutes for each session, the radiation wasn't easy. I was already experiencing side effects after the first session of radiation. And these side effects stuck around for a good few weeks after radiation had ended. Radiation was definitely a lot easier than chemo but it was also hard in its own way. Two weeks after radiation, I was having to get in contact with my Radiation Oncologist to get medication to help with the side effects. Dr Whalley was absolutely amazing and sorted me out straight away. These doctors have plenty of patients but they always make you feel like your the only one. January also brought discussions of surgery into the mix. The week of radiation was a lead in for surgery. I meet with the surgeon and we discussed surgery to my bowel. A date was booked in but within a week that date had been changed. Then it was changed again, and again and I still don't have a date for surgery and its been over a month since the initial surgery appointment. 

February was the month for everything. I finally took some time for myself and I headed on holiday to Hawaii and the Gold Coast for 2 weeks. My amazing Aunty came along with me and we had a blast. I swam with dolphins, went to Pearl Harbour, parasailed 750m in the air, swam with seals, fed a tiger and got to spend some time with my little sister. I am so lucky to have an Aunty who wanted to give me a holiday. Although I was sick for the last week, she still made sure that I had the time of my life. I will forever be grateful to her for that amazing experience. This month I have also had yet another CT scan, an MRI scan, a pre-admission appointment, an appointment with Dr Kennedy and another appointment with the surgeon. Hopefully we will be able to book in a date for surgery. This year I also decided to do something else for myself. I always regretted not going further with my psychology degree, so this year I will be doing post-graduate psychology papers through Massey so I can hopefully get my Masters in Psychology and maybe become a registered Clinical Psychology.



2019 has definitely been busy so far and has shown me how amazing family can be. On the downside, it has also shown me how crappy some friends can be. When you're going through a tough time, all you want is for your friends to be there for you. Or to know that should you need them, they will be there. I have some absolutely amazing friends, people who have been there for me since the moment I was diagnosed. These friends walked into my life and proved that they deserve to be there. I've often heard people say that its the friends you've known the longest who will always be there for you, but I've now realised that isn't always the case. I have friends who I have only known for a short time, and yet I couldn't imagine my life without them. They are the ones who check in all the time, the ones who take time out of their busy schedules to visit, the ones who drive 8 hours to come visit for not even 2 days, the ones who put a smile on your face without even knowing they are doing it. Those are the friends who want to be in my life. Not the friends who are too busy to deal with you, the one who can't even check in or visit, the one who has better things to worry about, or the one who says they want you around yet can't even make that happen. 2019 has already shown me that there are certain people who shouldn't be in your life and if they want to be, they will make an effort. And if they don't, then "thank you, next".

So for now, we will just have to wait and see what else 2019 has in store for me. It's a new beginning and.....

This is the New Year!