Unstoppable, unshakeable
They knock me down, I get up again
I am the champion
You're gonna know my name
You can't hurt me now
I can't feel the pain
I was made for this, yeah, I was born to win
I am the champion - Carrie Underwood feat. Ludacris
Today was a big day. Today was an important day. Today was the day that I found out whether or not the chemo is working. Today was the day that I had been preparing myself for, for the last month. It was a day that most people will never have to experience but I did.
"SCANXIETY".
If you've never experienced anxiety before, waiting for a CT scan and the results of that scan will ensure anxiety symptoms pop up. This last month has seen my anxiety levels skyrocket. It's something that other cancer patients have described as SCANXIETY - anxiety experienced due to an upcoming scan to determine whether treatment is working. Today was supposed to have happened two weeks ago on the 12th of July but due to the nurses strike (which I wholeheartedly support - nurses are amazing people) the scan and appointment didn't happen. Pushing this day back was annoying and stressful but it allowed me to be even more prepared for the news.
When I first met with my amazing oncologist Dr Kennedy, he explained the situations we could be in. He painted this picture: we have 100 people who have the exact same diagnosis as me and receiving the same chemotherapy. For 25 of that 100, the chemo would not work at all - no shrinkage of the cancer and maybe new cancer growth. For another 25, the chemo would sort of work - maybe a small amount of shrinkage of the cancer or it keeps the cancer stable. For the remaining 50, the chemo would work great - good amounts of shrinkage. I hoped I would be in either group of people where the chemo is working. But I was prepared for the worst news possible - that chemo is not working and maybe more cancer has popped up. My anxiety was at an all time high while I was sitting in that waiting room. The CT scan was easy but waiting for the results was the hard part. In cases like mine, you prepare for the worst, but hope like hell for the best.
"Your scans are even better than what I expected".
He said the words that I never thought I would hear. MY CANCER IS SHRINKING!!!!! And its not shrinking just a little bit, chemo has significantly decreased the size of the tumours. The chemo is working and its working even better than what Dr Kennedy expected it to. You cant even begin to imagine how I felt in that moment. I was elated, relieved, surprised, shocked, but above all grateful and happy. This result makes all the needles, the chemo, the side effects of chemo, the long days spent at the hospital and the constant blood tests worth it. It means that everything that I am doing, that Dr Kennedy is doing, that my nurses are doing, that my family and friends are doing is making a difference and is giving me the best chance at survival. I am unbreakable and I am a champion. And I will beat this.
This has also opened up the doors to surgery. Due to the significant shrinkage of the tumours in my liver, surgery is more than just an option. It is happening. The surgeon will be removing the cancer from my liver and leaving me with enough liver to function while it regenerates itself. This surgery is also giving me the best chance at survival and as much as the idea of a massive surgery scares me, I am so lucky that it is happening. I meet with the anaesthetist tomorrow and the surgeon next Tuesday and then surgery will be officially booked in and is likely to happen within the next two weeks. Another piece of good news - my PICC line is going to be taken out and a Portacath will be put in while I have the liver surgery. A portacath is an implanted IV device which sits under the skin just below the collarbone. It can be accessed for chemo and means I will not have to worry about dressing changes (especially since I'm allergic to all the dressings they use), line infections, or having to cover it when showering or swimming. It is going to make life so much easier. Its the little things in life! And I am so grateful for these little things. I'm so grateful that my treatment plan is working and that my body is doing exactly what it should.
While today was an extremely long and tiring day, it was also a good day. And I will take as many good days as I can get. The cancer diagnosis completely knocked me off my feet but I got up and I'm a fighter. I know now that I am unstoppable. I was born a winner and I will beat this.
I am a CHAMPION!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment