You Can't Always Get What You Want

You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes you might find
You get what you need - The Rolling Stones

Its been two weeks since I went under the knife to have the cancer removed from my liver and I am slowly beginning to recover with the help of some amazing pain medications. While the safety of being in hospital was great, I must admit, there is nothing like recovering from a major surgery in your own bed.

"Surgery didn't go as expected"

I woke up from surgery feeling pretty good, until I realised just how many needles I had sticking out of me. I had gone to sleep with an IV line in each arm and an epidural in my back for pain. But I woke up with two IV lines in each arm and a central line in my neck, I couldn't feel anything from my chest to the top of my legs and to top it all off, they had placed a catheter in while I was sleeping. At least I didn't have to worry about going to the toilet... I was supposed to spend at least 24 hours in the High Dependency Unit (HDU) but because I had responded well to surgery and woken up feeling like I was walking on sunshine, they didn't think HDU was necessary. I lay in recovery happily chatting away to everyone, while also nagging at them to take me back to my ward. It wasn't until I got back to my ward and saw my relieved mother, that I was told just how long I had been away for and that things hadn't gone as planned. I was wheeled into theatre at 8am, was in surgery for a few hours and sat in recovery until 3pm. My poor, poor mother, I'm still surprised that she had any hair left.



It wasn't until Dr Bartlett had opened me up that he saw just how damaged my liver was from chemo. My liver was BLUE!!! Apparently one of the chemo meds, Oxaliplatin, had made my liver really fatty and increased the pressure in my liver making it really hard to work with. He managed to cut out the cancer in the left lobe, but due to how much I was bleeding, it was too risking to try and do anything with the right lobe. Plus, they found a new lesion by one of the main arteries and had to stop surgery. They got it tested, not cancer but still cause for concern. So had he gone further with surgery it is highly likely I could have bled out... So it was still too risky for Dr Bartlett to do the second surgery a week later, so liver surgery number two has been postponed six weeks. Hopefully thie will be enough time for the liver to heal, and the pressure to subside. In the meantime, Dr Kennedy has decided that its to risky to be off chemo for too long and I have already had another cycle of chemo. This chemo regimen is different however. Dr Kennedy has taken the Oxaliplatin out and I only have the Folinc Acid and Fluorouracil. By taking out the Oxaliplatin, it wont increase the pressure in my liver and will give my liver time to heal. So I have this chemo regimen for three cycles, then get an updated CT scan and undergo a test called a Wedge Pressure test. This test involves inserting a catheter either through my arm or groin into my liver, place a balloon inside and blow it up and it will test the amount of pressure that pushes back on the balloon. So long as the pressure has subsided, surgery will go forward. If not, then D Kennedy, Dr Bartlett, and myself will be having a major discussion about what is next...

On the bright side, I finally got my wish... A porta-cath was inserted during surgery and is already in use for this cycle of chemo. It is accessed by numbing up the skin, and piercing the skin with a rather large needle with an IV line attached to it. You can feel it underneath the skin and can see a slight bump on my chest where the port sits, but otherwise you wouldn't know it was there. Apart from when the chemo pump is attached of course... In terms of pain, the first few days after surgery were fully pain free, thanks to my amazing friend the epidural. If you are ever having surgery and this is offered as a option for pain management, I highly recommend it. It makes those first few days after a massive surgery easier to get through and allows you to get up an moving around much more quickly. I was going for walks less than 24 hours after surgery, granted it was only to the shower but at least I was up. On the Monday, the catheter and the epidural were taken out and my pain was managed by oral medication instead. There was a massive difference between the epidural and normal pain meds. I went from feeling absolutely nothing to feeling everything. It took a bit but we managed to sort out the right way to manage the pain. I easily became the nurses favourite patient on the ward. No complaining, no unnecessary buzzer pushing and the most eager to get home. Another plus, no stitches! I was actually looking forward to seeing how many stitches I was going to have, until I remembered having to take them out. Instead, Dr Bartlett just glued me back together. The incision is looking pretty tidy so I wont quite look like Frankenstein's monster..

Coming home after a major surgery is never easy. I was in a lot of pain and angry at the world for surgery two not happening. While I understand why the second surgery couldn't happen, I'm still annoyed that I will have to go through all of this again in about a month. But at least I'm home, in my own bed and have mumma bear to help me. She's a real trooper. You really can't always get what you want, I've learnt that with this experience. But at least.....

You get what you need!